Friday, January 14, 2011

The Millionaire Matchmaker: Patty Stanger is Matchless in Manhattan & Los Angeles

In my opinion The Millionaire Matchmaker is the worst of the Bravo Reality TV Shows that I watch.

The Millionaire Matchmaker is that type of Train Wreck Reality TV show that, for me, is watchable for reasons those on the Reality Show don't realize are the reasons their show is amusing the viewers.

For me, I find Patty Stanger highly amusing. I've seldom witnessed a more hypocritical, personally clueless person.

Patty brags about being a 3rd generation matchmaker, with a highly successful success rate. Which we seldom see.

Patty Stanger is 49 years old. And has never made a match for herself.

I can't imagine why.

Well, maybe I can. Patty is one of the more vulgar, foul-mouthed, tacky women to have ever been on my Reality TV screen.

This is a woman who puts her hands over her mom's ears, so her mom can't hear, but her dad can, Patty proclaim that Randy Quaid was the best performer of a certain adult activity she has ever had performed on her.

This revelation had viewers letting out a collective "Ewwwww!" And thinking it'd be way less Ewwwww if Patty was talking about Dennis instead of Randy.

Another unintended amusement factor is how Patty, and her bizarre staff of a married couple, Destin Jude Pfaff and Rachel Federoff, take their matchmaking so SERIOUSLY. As if they are following some scientific process.

When in reality the potential matches are chosen in a quickie, cavalier fashion.

Hence, eventually, so many "Master Date" disasters. Which makes the dates amusing.

The formula usually has an episode's 2 millionaires meeting their potential mates at a "Mixer," followed by the millionaires picking two potential mate matches for "Mini-Dates."

Yeah, you really can tell a lot about a person by talking to them for 5 minutes in a "Mini-Date," with Patty and her fellow vultures hovering nearby.

And then there is the 2 drink minimum, sometimes that rule is violated, like by a recent Millionairess who the fans took to calling Miss Piggy, because she was plus-sized. Patty referred to her as a Size 24 Jessica Simpson. Well, Miss Piggy sipped down an awful lot of wine, leading to what appeared to me to be an inebriated Miss Piggy.

Miss Piggy picked a good-looking young plumber for her "Master Date," where she got the plumber liquored up, told him she wanted to have sex with him right now. Despite Patty's rule of no sex before monogamy of a certain duration of something like 60 days. The plumber suggested to Miss Piggy that she digitally pleasure him, which Miss Piggy appeared to reach under the table to do.

The no sex before monogamy rule confuses me. If the millionaire or millionairess is already doing that thing that married people do after being successfully matched, why are they looking for love on an embarrassing reality show? Taking advice from an oddball case like Patty Stanger?

It is all very perplexing.

The matchmaking in New York City did not go well, so Patty is taking her crew back to Los Angeles, where, apparently, her particular brand of superficial goes over better than it did in New York City.

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