Three hours.
Not all the occupants of Bachelor Pad were introduced with a slick intro. But, the ones who had some history, issue, infamy or conflict were.
Like Gia Allemond, the 26 year old model who was on the first season of Bachelor Pad. Gia had a chart showing her lack of love at the love connections, such as hooking up with Wes on Bachelor Pad, with Wes then having a fling with Vienna, which thus sets up Vienna as Gia's villain.
I can't remember if Vienna was already in the house when Gia arrived, or the other way around. I do remember they were very cold to each other.
Then we have Vienna's current boyfriend, Casey Kahl, a 27 year old philanthropist. Huh? Who claims to have bulked up with 30 pounds of solid muscle, ready to take on the evil Jake Pavelka, should he arrive as expected.
Then when Jake does arrive, Casey turned out to be mostly bluster as Jake tried to make nice.
The first challenge of this iteration of Bachelor Pad was interesting. The Padmates were told to pair up. Jackie Gordon paired with Jake, even though she thought she was secretly paired with Ames Brown, the really smart robot we'd recently seen rejected by Ashley. Ames and Jackie were in the garden making out, thinking no prying eyes were watching. They were wrong.
For the challenge the male half of the couple was strapped into a harness. The female half then wrapped herself around the male while a winch lifted them about 10 feet in the air. The last couple to fall to the bed below got immunity roses plus an additional rose to give to the Padmate of their choice.
The coupling challenge went on for a long time. I have never seen so many variations of the basic missionary position. Eventually it was down to Jake & Jackie, coupling against Vienna & Casey.
Eventually Casey's pelvic region could take it no longer, giving Jake the win, much to the upset of Vienna, who took it out on Casey and his aching pelvis.
Jake and Jackie then went on a date toin Hollywood where they had food on the roof of an awning of a theater. It was strange. On this roof Jake told Jackie his mythical story of what ended his connection with Vienna. Jackie suggested Jake give Vienna the immunity rose.
And so he did. When Jake gave Vienna the rose he asked Vienna and Casey to follow him, so he could talk to them. Apparently Jake is on Bachelor Pad to try and re-spin the bizarre incident that caused viewers to realize he was a scary sociopath, with that bizarre incident being the break-up special with Chris Harrison where Jake displayed his temper in a very bad way.
Some think it is obvious Jake is a sociopath. I think he suffers from classic Little Man Syndrome. Jake's apology to Vienna for his temper tantrum and his spin on it all was not being bought by Vienna. Or Casey.
After Jake wound down, Vienna and Casey took off to find a bedroom, and while Jake was telling the camera how well that went and how he now had closure and how he hoped he could now be friends with Casey & Vienna, Vienna was taking off her clothes and climbing into bed with Casey for some robust adult exercize.
When Vienna took off her clothes, recorded by Nightvision, ABC did not pixelate any private parts. Instead of pixelating, big black boxes were used to preserve Vienna's modesty. Such as it is.
The last half hour, or so, was spent plotting who would go home. In the end it was Alli Travis and the Canadian dumbass, Justin Rego, who made a memorably bitter exit, grabbing Jake's rose and spewing some amusing nonsense.
Several of the Padmates seem quite driven to get the paltry, by Reality TV standards, $250,000 prize. Vienna, who's bio says she is unemployed, has big plans for the money. If I remember right, the plans include buying a house, taking her parents on a cruise, buying a business, investing in the stock market, paying off her debts and who knows what else.
If I remember right, the first season of Bachelor Pad the $250K turned into $125K, due to the couple in the end splitting the $250K.
The previews look entertaining. With Vienna determined to win the big money, she says she'll choose the money over her supposed boyfriend. I have trouble telling them apart, but either Kirk Dewindt or Blake Julian get into all sorts of heat from some female Padmates.
I'll likely keep watching. I'm hoping the subsequent episodes are not 3 hours long.
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