The Bachelor: The Girls Tell All About The Wings Of Love

I was so over The Bachelor after last week's bloated 2 hours. That staged phone call from Allie was some really bad TV.

Jake pretends he doesn't know something is up. Didn't he notice the camera guy in the bathroom with him when the phone rang? And then they had to do another camera set up for him to take the call.

And of course there was all that video footage of Allie back in San Francisco.

I don't know that I've ever met anyone like Jake. He seems to pretty much talk in cliches. I don't think we've seen him string together more than a couple sentences. And what if he was banned from using the word "amazing." Could he speak?

Jake is just way too earnest. And then he dumped Gia, who seemed real, sweet and so good-looking. Leaving him with Tenley and Vienna.

I would have dropped Tenley after that awful dance she'd choreographed just for him. That was awful to watch. Of course, Jake loved it. Because it was amazing.

All those From Here To Eternity Burt Lancaster/Deborah Kerr rolling in the waves scenes, with Jake and the girls, before their romps in the Fantasy Suite, well, that really never looks all that much fun to me. Sand in places you don't want it to be.

As for the Fantasy Suites. I always have trouble suspending disbelief for those Fantasy Suites and what goes on in them.

Of course, Jake was deeply in love with all three women, so I suppose it makes sense that he might activate his inner Mormon and have himself a real fine time with all three girls. I think Gia and Tenley were probably grateful that they had their special time, with Jake, before he got worked over by Vienna.

Anyway, tonight is the amusing episode where the rejected ladies return and Chris Harrison asks a lot of smarmy questions. I wonder if the girl who got booted for boinking a production staffer will be there. What was her name? Rozlyn? Roslyn? Something like that. I hope Michelle brings a big load of crazy tonight.

I'll probably be disappointed. Such is my lot in life. I've never been in a Fantasy Suite. I'm a bit jealous.