The Real Housewives of New York City Season 2: Alex & Simon are Creepy, so is LuAnn

I couldn't get hooked on The Real Housewives of Orange County. Maybe it is because they are West Coast, I am West Coast and they didn't seem all that alien to me.

But, The Real Housewives of New York City and Atlanta, those people are very alien to me. And thus entertaining.

Currently we are on, I think, the 4th episode of The Real Housewives of New York City. This season a new housewife has been added named Kelly. I don't like her.

This season it appears the Countess, LuAnn de Lessups, is providing the editors with enough good material to make her appear to be a hypocritical, well, creep. That whole Countess thing is just weird. She's in America. We don't do that type stuff here. And she's writing an etiquette book. Wants to call it Class with the Countess. Bethenny, who I like the best of all of them, is on to the Countessess un-classiness.

Bethenny was real happy to be featured on the cover of some New York social magazine. A lot of photos were taken. Bethenny told LuAnn about the photo shoot. And LuAnn asked if a lot of airbrushing had to be done. Now, Bethenny is one of those sweet sensitive sorts. Of course that remark bothered her. But, the Countess would not own it when Bethenny eventually verbalized that she didn't appreciate the remark. The Countess must forget that all is on tape. Seen by millions.

In that same episode, at the same event, we saw the Countess direct her ire at Ramona after Ramona made some remark about LuAnn's husband being an old man, twice her age. That fight was pretty funny. Bethenny and Ramona were all atwitter to tell Jill all about what she missed, upon Jill's arrival. Jill likes to be in the middle of any brouhaha and is intensely disappointed to miss such a thing. I like Jill.

In an earlier episode we saw the Countess taking her daughter and the daughter's friends to some lunch type deal, where the Countess decided to entertain the girls by offering etiquette and manners advice. At one point the Countess had a piece of food fall off her fork. On to her chest. To which the classy Countess said, "I just dropped some food on my breast." Now I may not be a maven of manners, but I believe when such a thing occurs one discreetly takes care of the problem. One does not draw attention to the accident and make an announcement about ones breasts.

Those are just a couple examples of LuAnn being the Countess of Uncouth. There are many more.

And then there is Alex and Simon. As Jill said, everyone tells her they are creepy. They are creepy. Ramona, who I've also grown to like, will have nothing to do with them.

In an earlier episode we saw Ramona and her husband, Mario, lounging about their beautiful pool at their home in the Hamptons. Then we cut back to New York City to Alex and Simon at their pool. One of those above ground 12 foot wide, 3 feet deep pools. About which Alex says something like a lot of people in New York City live in apartments and can't have a pool. But we have a backyard so we can afford the luxury of a pool.

Alex and Simon are remodeling their rundown house that so appalled viewers and the other housewives last season. At that time they claimed they were working on the house. Now they claim they live in a house for 3 years to get a feel for it and what needs to change. And then they renovate. Alex and Simon use the term "renovation" rather than "remodel." I suppose because "renovation" sounds more impressive. To make new, not to simply slightly alter.

We saw their renovator. He has Oh Oh written all over him. Alex acted all pretentious about not wanting a granite counter top because it is no longer trendy and she doesn't want her kitchen to look like everyone else's. She wants built-in bookcases, not just for show, like most people, but real functioning bookcases with a reading corner so her brats, Francoise and Johann, can read. She said she's going to have the collective works of Shakespeare and Dickens at the boy's fingertips.

Those boys are going to be so messed up by the time they reach the age of reading, unless Child Protective Services gets them away from that perverse pair.

Simon and Alex and their offspring went on vacation to St. Barts. Simon brought along his pink pants and matching shoes. When they returned Alex checked the mail for invites to social events, commenting on the relative value of the invites.

Meanwhile, the renovations had not progressed, in their absence, like they'd hoped they would. Jill dropped in, I think to help pick out fabric, and was horrified that anyone would live like Alex and Simon are living. Simon supposedly owns a hotel. Why don't they move to the hotel? Is isn't easy to remodel with someone living in the place. I know this from personal nightmare.

Anyway, Alex and Simon are being way weirder than last season. They knew what people thought of them, how people made fun of them, how people thought them to be pretentious social climbing wannabes. Are those two just having fun, weirding it up for our viewing pleasure?

And then there's the bombshell that Alex and Simon are writing a book on parenting! Those two should never have been allowed to reproduce, let alone write a book about what they've done with their reproductions. They've got to be making it up. They saw the same footage of their brats from hell that we all saw.

Another piece of evidence that the Alex and Simon act is not real is that it seems the producers are on to it. When they shoot Alex in a confidential moment they use lighting that makes her look like a living cadaver. This is either done on purpose, or she had gotten even more cadaverous looking than she was last season.

Please, if there is any mercy in the Universe, let no new nude photos of Alex show up, like they did last season. Those photos were like anti-Viagra. Chilling. I shouldn't have looked. But I couldn't stop myself. And now, I am forever scarred.