Nielsen Rating's Top 20 for March 22 - 28

The Nielsen Rating's Top 20 TV Shows for March 22 - 28. The first number is the ranking, the second number is the season average, then the show name and network. The last number represents the number of viewers in millions. An asterisk * indicates a tie.

Rank	Show name	Network	Viewers in millions	Season-to-date average (in millions)
1.	American Idol (Tues.)	Fox	24.2	26.5
*	Dancing with the Stars	ABC	24.2	18.7
3.	American Idol (Wed.)	Fox	21.4	25.1
4.	Undercover Boss	CBS	16.7	17.8
5.	60 Minutes	CBS	14.5	13.6
*	Two and a Half Men	CBS	14.5	15.0
7.	The Big Bang Theory	CBS	13.4	14.4
8.	NCIS	CBS	13.0	19.8
9.	Amazing Race	CBS	12.7	10.8
10.	Castle	ABC	12.2	9.9
11.	NCAA Basketball (Sat.)	CBS	12.1	special event
12.	Grey's Anatomy	ABC	11.6	14.2
13.	NCAA Basketball (Thurs.)	CBS	11.3	special event
*	NCIS: Los Angeles	CBS	11.3	16.2
15.	NCAA Basketball (Fri.)	CBS	11.1	special event
*	Survivor: Heroes	CBS	11.1	special event
17.	CSI: Miami	CBS	10.8	13.1
18	Law & Order; SVU	NBC	10.6	6.6
19.	Cold Case	CBS	10.3	9.7
20.	NCAA Basketball (Thurs.)	CBS	9.7	special event

Celebrity Fit Club Boot Camp: Kevin Federline goes from K-Fat back to K-Fed

That is Kevin Federline working hard to hold up his heavy right arm.

Kevin Federline has the good or misfortune to, at one point in time, be married to Britney Spears, with whom he produced some offspring, which I believe he has custody of, due to Britney Spears not being fit to be a mommy.

My first look at Kevin Federline and where I learned that Britney Spears was a low-class, white trash, vulgar type gal, was on her reality show, Chaotic, on which we saw Britney hook up with Kevin and relish detailing, for the viewers, her lovergirl romps with boyfriend Kevin.

When Kevin became tabloid fodder he became known as K-Fed.

After being put through an emotional wringer by now ex-wife Britney, K-Fed comforted himself with up to a couple dozen cans of sugary soft drinks a day, along with pizza and macaroni and cheese. And spending a lot of time in bed.

Kevin's tabloid name became K-Fat, as his girth ballooned to unseemly proportions.

Eventually Kevin sought help from that well known fat help provider of lesser known celebrities on VH1 called Celebrity Fit Club. Kevin is on a version called Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp.

I have only seen part of one episode. I have no idea if the current iteration of Celebrity Fit Club has run its course, or not. I do know that Kevin has shed the excess girth due to the exercise and diet regime he learned on Celebrity Fit Club.

Kevin Federline, aka K-Fed, was the only "celebrity" on Celebrity Fit Club who I had ever heard of.

Dancing With The Stars: Shannen Doherty Eliminated

I don't get it. Shannen Doherty getting eliminated is not as surprising as a Pamela Anderson elimination as the first to go in the new season of Dancing With The Stars would have been. But it's close.

I can sort of understand viewers voting to keep the train wreck Kate Gosselin dancing, just to torture her. But where is the sympathy for her partner, Tony Dovolani, who her madness drove to temporarily quitting?

And then there was the soap star, Aiden Turner, whom I'd never heard of before, and who was borderline abusive to partner Edyta. Why did he not get the boot before Shannen?

Did viewers get turned off by the dad in the audience thing with Shannen? It seemed genuine to me, not some sort of attempt to soften up the notorious bad girl's bad girl rep.

And would Shannen not have a lot bigger fan base than some of these people whom I've never heard of?

Isn't Shannen's partner, Mark Ballas, one of the more popular of the pros? Ballas hurt his knee, bad, while rehearsing, pulling the muscle off the bone. He says he'll be out for 6 weeks. So, minimally, it would seem Shannen was destined to get a new partner if she did keep dancing.

As for Buzz Aldrin, I can see how he would manage to get enough viewer support to keep him in, despite having the lowest judges' scores.

Didn't Shannen get fairly good scores for their her routine? It was one of the few routines that I did not hit the FF button at some point during it.

The Amazing Race 16: Steve & Allie 1st to Pitstop in the Seychelles

Finally a good episode of The Amazing Race. And the Detective, Louie & Michael did not come in first again, which made it an even better episode.

Father/Daughter team, Steve & Allie, were the first to see Phil in the Seychelles. Steve seems like a nice dad. Allie seems like a nice girl. But, don't be praying and involving God. That's just tasteless.

I knew nothing about the Seychelles, other than it being islands in the Indian Ocean. The Amazing Race is at its best, for me, when it is showing me a place on the planet about which I know little. And it helps if that place is amazingly scenic, which the Seychelles is.

The Detour and Roadblock were good this time. In the Detour teams could either fill a cart with coconuts and bring them to market, pulled by an ox. Or lead a huge turtle across a field, tempting the turtle with a banana, then after successfully moving the turtle across the finish line, carrying a lot of bananas to the market.

Steve & Allie were the only team to successfully move a turtle. The Mean Lesbians, Carol & Brandy, tried, but their turtle did not like them. Later we learned, according to dim-witted Brent, it's anonymous that all the teams do not like the Mean Lesbians. Phil asked Brent if he meant to say unanimous.

The Mean Lesbians bailed on the turtle to try their hand at tossing coconuts. We'd already seen Brent & Caite get told they did not have all their coconuts. Brent proceeded to have a fit and say he was quitting. Later, when complaining to Phil about the Mean Lesbians, both Brent & Caite complained about how negative the Mean Lesbians were. To my eyes and ears Brent & Caite are way meaner than the supposedly Mean Lesbians.

Dan & Jordan got all their coconuts, close behind Steve & Allie, to the next task, a Roadblock. An underwater bottle had to be retrieved which had a map to the Pitstop. This map had to be assembled back at shore.

Meanwhile, back at the coconuts the Cowboys, Jet & Cord, had not been having a good day of it, last off the plane, last ticket to a helicopter ride, which brought them last to the coconuts. Jet & Cord had an easier time of driving their ox than Brent & Caite did. But, they too did not have all their coconuts. Soon the Mean Lesbians were also to learn they did not have all their coconuts.

It got confusing all the teams going back and forth with their coconut wagon trains. If I remember right the detectives made it in the water and on the way to the Roadblock ahead of Brent & Caite, but boat woes slowed the detectives. But the 2 teams made it to the beach at about the same time and decided to work together to beat the Mean Lesbians. Brent & Caite were #3, with the detective #4.

The Cowboys were ahead of the Mean Lesbians, I think the Mean Lesbians were still dealing with coconuts when the Cowboys were on the way to the Roadblock. The Cowboys made it to the beach and quickly ran to find Phil who told them, to their great happiness, that they were Team #5.

But, unfortunately the Cowboys had not read their clue in the retrieved bottle that directed them to the Pitstop. How many times have teams made this type mistake on this Amazing Race? So, Jet & Cord had to swim out to thier boat to get the bottle, while the Mean Lesbians, who thought they were out of it, made it to the beach.

But, Jet & Cord knew where the Pitstop was, they did not have to assemble the map. Of course, editing kept us guessing, a little. In the end, Jet & Cord came in last. In a non-elimination leg. So, the good-natured, funny Oklahoma Cowboys are still in it.

One more odd thing. Steve & Allie left their backpacks with the turtle. Allie wanted to go back and get them. Dad insisted they not do so, that they can run the rest of the race without whatever was in the backpacks. So, why could they not simply go get the backpacks after they checked in? Was that boat ride really that far? It was perplexing to me.

Next week they race to Malaysia. I hope that's another good leg. Cowboys for the win. Anyone for the win but Brent & Caite.

Survivor Redemption: Heroes vs. Villains Double Elimination With James & Tyson Out

I turned on my TV to watch the DVRed LOST and saw Survivor was recording. Then I remembered basketball games on Thursday, put Survivor on Wednesday.

So, by the time I finished LOST, Survivor had finished recording.

Good, strange episode.

Much foreshadowing in the episode pointing to a comeuppance for either Boston Rob or Russell Hantz, with Rob a number of times bragging that Russell is playing in the Big Leagues now.

The challenge of this episode was different. A combo reward/immunity challenge with a twist. Both teams play for individual immunity. Then each team's winner plays a play-off, with that winner's team getting to eat hot dogs and drink coke while watching the losing team's Tribal Council.

First up, the Heroes. The skinny, small blonde, Candice wins on the Heroes' team. Boston Rob wins on the Villains' team. Oh oh, I thought, it's gonna be Russell who gets his comeuppance.

Back at Heroes' camp, Colby, who sucked at the challenge, told everyone he knew he was going, wished them all well, went to nap in the ocean. While the others debated whether it might be wiser to vote out the crippled James.

Meanwhile over at the Villains' camp, Boston Rob and Russell have an exchange, with Rob warning Russell if he has the Hidden Immunity Idol, he better use it. Russell took umbrage to Rob's cocky ways.

Rob thinks he has it all figured out, they'll flush out the idol and split their votes to guarantee a Parvati ouster.

The Villains are first up at Tribal Council. Time to vote. Jeff says if anyone has the Hidden Immunity Idol, now is the time to play it. Go to commercial. Back from commercial, Russell stands and walks to Jeff. Smug look on Boston Rob's face.

Russell says something like I'm not quite done yet, Jeff. Then goes and gives the Hidden Immunity Idol to Pavarti. Earlier Russell had tricked Tyson into switching his vote to Parvati.

The votes are read, 4 are for Pavarti, 2 for Russell with, I think, 3 for Tyson, sending Tyson home, to the stunned looks of those who thought they'd outsmarted Russell, with one of them saying something like, "What just happened?"

Then, in come the Heroes, the Villains get their hot dogs, with Rupert unable to focus on anything but the food. The Tribal Council proceeds while the Villains eat. This was about the most light-hearted Tribal Council I remember watching, with James providing most of the humor, particularly when describing how Colby was not the Colby of James' youth, back when Colby was Superman, now Colby is Superman with a girdle and no muscle. Colby objected, good-naturedly, pleading that he's really not that old.

At another point James pointed out Colby's failure in that day's challenge, where he was beaten by a cripple (meaning James) and a fat man (meaning Rupert). Much laughter among the Villains.

In the end, the tribe decided Colby was not too old and kept him, booting James, with the bum leg, who, on parting, told his former tribemates that he would be drunk in about 5 minutes.

Both Tyson Apostol and James took their bootings well, at least judging by their post-boot words to the camera, I mean, audience.

American Idol's Contrary Cranky Bad Judges Picking On Tiny Tim Urban

Yes, I know I said I was done with American Idol. And then I went and watched it last night, well, fast forwarded through it, and was freshly annoyed.

Tim Urban will be my example of what annoys me. That is he in the picture. He is only 20. Just a kid.

So, last week the so-called Judges, who are more accurately called Contrary Cranks, made a big deal about how the singers were now on a Big Stage, the Kodak Theater, and that they needed to amp it up to fill the stage. Or something like that.

Miley Cyrus, who is younger than just about all but one, was the guest mentor. That in itself is just odd. Miley seemed to like Tim okay and encouraged him. He does not get a lot of encouragement from anyone associated with this show. Or so it seems.

Tim sang Queen's The Thing About Love, or some title like that. Catchy tune you've heard countless times. Tim does his singing, slides across the stage, works the crowd, has the little girls all thrilled, as he does the rock star act of touching hands with the screamers.

Tim finishes. Randy Jackson says something unflattering. I don't remember what. Oh, part of it was that standard useful criticism, "very karaoke, dude."

Then the increasingly useless Ellen DeGeneres opined that it was like watching High School Musical with Tim being Zac Ephron. I may be getting the name wrong. Ellen also mentioned that Tim had a lot of fans who likely loved what he'd just done, but she was not one of them.

The wretchedly annoying Kara DioGuardi then told Tim he had not sold millions of albums, that he had no business acting like an established artist by working the crowd like he did, this, after Ellen had just opined Tim had a lot of adoring fans. And after the Contrary Cranks had told the singers to work harder at filling the stage.

Then Simon Cowell delivered the final Bitch Slap. Telling Tim he had absolutely no chance of winning this competition, that what he'd done on stage was utter corny rubbish.

I forget which of these idiots told Tim he needed to get some vocal training. Why was this not noticed before Tim was in the Final 11? If indeed it is true.

So, if Tim is so bad, how is it that he is in the Top 11? That he was in the Top 24? That he made it to Hollywood? Oh, that's right, it's the Idiot Contrary Cranks who put Tim on the show so they could have themselves a real fine time seeing how badly they could crush the kid's self esteem.

Anyway, American Idol has really Jumped the Shark for me. All 4 of those Contrary Crank so-called Judges need a severe Bitch Slapping.

Nielsen Rating's Top 20 for March 15 - 21

The Nielsen Rating's Top 20 TV Shows for March 15 - 21. The first number is the ranking, the second number is the season average, then the show name and network. The last number represents the number of viewers in millions. An asterisk * indicates a tie.

Rank	Show name	Network	Viewers in millions	Season-to-date average (in millions)
1.	American Idol (Tues.)	Fox	22.9	26.7
2.	American Idol (Wed.)	Fox	20.5	25.2
3.	NCIS	CBS	18.0	20.0
4.	NCIS: Los Angeles	CBS	15.1	16.3
5.	Undercover Boss	CBS	14.5	17.7
6.	The Good Wife	CBS	13.4	13.3
7.	60 Minutes	CBS	13.3	13.6
8.	Two and a Half Men	CBS	12.7	14,9
9.	Amazing Race	CBS	12.0	10.3
10.	The Big Bang Theory	CBS	11.7	14.3
11.	House	Fox	11.4	13.2
12.	Desperate Housewives	ABC	10.8	14.7
13.	NCAA Basketball (Saturday)	CBS	10.3	special event
14.	Law & Order: SVU	NBC	9.7	8.9
15.	Cold Case	CBS	9.4	9.6
16.	24	Fox	9.0	11.5
*	CSI: Miami	CBS	9.0	13.1
18.	NCAA Basketball (Thursday, 7 p.m.)	CBS	8.9	special event
*	NCAA Basketball (Thursday, 10:10 p.m.)	CBS	8.9	special event
*	Lost	ABC	8.9	12.0

The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Kim Zolciak's Big Poppa Traded in for Big Momma

I'd been reading rumors for a few weeks, the theme of which is that The Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak, she of Don't Be Tardy To The Party fame and a secretive romance with a Sugar Daddy she calls Big Poppa, has been having herself a new lover affair. With a woman.

The rumormongers assumed Kim was concocting some drama for the latest iteration of the Atlanta version of the Bravo TV Real Housewives franchise.

Initially Kim denied she was in a lesbian relationship, saying she was still involved with her Big Poppa Sugar Daddy.

But, now, in a magazine called "Life & Style", Kim has talked about her latest love affair.

The name of the new love of Kim's life is Tracy Young. Kim met Tracy while the two were working together on Kim's "hit" single, Don't Be Tardy For The Party."

Kim says Tracy made the first move, after sparks started flying and gradually escalated til Tracy smooched Kim. Kim says their first kiss was "passionate and exciting."

On Kim's Twitter page, today, she seems to have become best friends with Perez Hilton, the celebrity gossip queen, and makes references to her altered lifestyle.

In "Life & Style" Kim says, "I don't believe love has a gender. I have a ton of girlfriends who have been with girls, and I could never comprehend that before. Now I can. But I don't want to define gay, bisexual or straight. I just think it's too much for me — a woman doesn't define me, nor does a man. I'm among the millions of parents who have been in a gay or lesbian relationship. It hasn't been an easy road lately, but I feel there are no mistakes in my life. Everything happens for a reason. To have the opportunity to speak for myself and to have people understand what I'm going through is really special. I myself was confused and scared at first. Being able to speak from my heart and get this all out, it’s a huge relief for me."

I don't know if I'm buying it. I've known a lesbian or two. The ones I've known are of the stereotypical type currently represented by the Lesbian couple on The Amazing Race. Angry, difficult, humorless women.

But, now that I'm thinking about it. Angry? Difficult? How many times have we seen Kim get angry? And be difficult? But, Kim is quite funny, though often not intentionally. Well, if Kim is a lesbian, she is definitely a Lipstick Lesbian. I've never personally known one of those. Maybe they are happier, more upbeat sorts than the dour miserable lesbians I've known.

Dancing With The Stars For Pamela Anderson's Aunt Vie

I did not realize the latest iteration of Dancing With The Stars was starting up last night til I turned on my TV and checked to see what the DVR had recorded for me and saw that it was recording Dancing With the Stars.

About 45 minutes had been recorded, so I figured I'd watch til enough of 24 had been recorded to switch to watching 24.

Dancing With The Stars seems to have amped it up a bit. The stage, or set, or whatever you call it, seems a bit more glitzy.

Replacing the annoying Samantha Harris with the less annoying Brooke Burke seems like a real good improvement.

Judge Len Goodman seemed particularly judgemental and cranky, giving low scores. He was even cranky with the last dancer of the night, Pamela Anderson. I thought she'd be embarrassing to watch and in train wreck mode. Instead, well, I re-watched her dancing several times. I do not recollect doing that before.

Tom Bergeron was doing some swooning over Pamela, saying something about reverting to being a 15 year old boy.

Seeing recent Bachelor, Jake Pavelka, was unpleasant. I can't quite identify why. Wife to be, Vienna, was in the audience. Jake seemed very relieved to learn his partner was Chelsie, due, I assume, to she being the only professional shorter than he.

Shannon Doherty was a surprise. She didn't come across as a bad girl at all. A little pudgy and a bit worse for wear from her glory days. But, she seemed to do dancing well to my un-trained eyes.

Let's see if I can remember anything else that left an impression.

Oh, Shannon was dancing to please her daddy, while Pamela was dancing to please her dancing machine Aunt Vie. That is Aunt Vie in the picture at the top. I assume Aunt Vie is Canadian. You see jet black-haired old Canadian women, like Aunt Vie, if you hang out in the Vancouver zone.

The moon walker, Buzz Aldrin, looks darn good at 80. Rather spry with the dancing too, but of course the judges judged him harshly.

Edyta is paired with a TV soap star from the UK, who I had never heard of. I don't remember his name. All I remember was being interested in the outfit Edyta was barely wearing.

Kate Goeslin, she being the mother of a lot of kids on a TLC show I've never watched, did not seem to be having a whole lot of fun. Who is looking after all those kids while their mom dances, I could not help but wonder.

A figure skater, first name, Evan, won the Gold at the recent Vancouver Winter Olympics, which I did not watch, hence not knowing anything about Evan, including remembering his last name. Well, he seemed to take to the dancing, well. Apparently there had been some talk that it was unfair to have a figure skater in the dancing competition, like he was a ringer, or something. But, Evan made quite a fuss over it being totally different, with figure skating you rotate in the opposite direction of ballroom dancing. This drastic alteration wreaked havoc with Evan's balance til he got the hang of it.

There does not, currently, seem to be anyone dancing who is annoying on the level of last season's winner, Donny Osmond. If Jake Pavelka does not quickly get the boot he has potential to be annoying.

The Amazing Race 16: Detectives Louie & Michael Come in 1st Again

Three weeks in a row the formerly bumbling detectives, Louie & Michael, have made it to the Pitstop as Team #1.

They are starting to get a tad cocky. I guess with good reason. But after one of the detectives successfully detected a special cluster of grapes, it got grating the number of times he mentioned he had eagle eyes.

This week they were still in France. France was not being all that interesting. They were racing in the Champagne region. Next week The Amazing Race finally gets out of Europe and goes to an island republic in the Indian Ocean, Seychelles.

The Roadblock and Detours this week were tiresome. For the Roadblock, rappel down a hole to a cave where bottles of champagne are stored. Hunt for the marked bottle.

At the Detour choose between hunting over a big vineyard for a special cluster of grapes. Or stack champagne glasses into a pyramid and then pour a giant bottle of champagne into the top glass.

The hunt for the grape cluster seemed the smart choice. But smart is in short supply with some of this group. Though, brothers, Dan & Jordan, did stack the glasses, successfully, it took a long time.

Jeff & Jordan spent a lot of time lost again, as did several of the other teams, going back and forth between towns looking for their next clue.

Steve & Allie had a little fender bender that rendered their car inoperable til Steve duct-taped a fix.

Brent & Caite, what an annoying pair, with Caite being the annoying one. She is the stupid beauty queen who made a stupid remark that, apparently, a lot of people heard, but I missed, at some beauty pageant. I'm guessing Caite's parents thought they were naming her Kate.

Caite pouted when Brent thought the hunt for the grape cluster Detour choice was the way to go. Nag, nag, nag. The Cowboys, Jet & Cord showed up and quickly found what they needed. This caused Brent & Caite to switch to stacking glasses. Brent was now sure Caite had been right all along, when he saw the brothers succeed and leave. Brent & Caite finished the stacking, Brent started pouring the champagne, and then, oopsie. Collapse.

Back to the vineyard, where soon, Jordan & Jeff showed up. They tried the glass stacking first, for some illogical reason, stated by Jeff, and then switched to the vineyard, upon glass collapse. At the vineyard, Brent & Caite eventually found a grape cluster and made it to the Pitstop.

Jordan & Jeff looked for grapes, with flashlights, well after dark. I didn't get why Phil did not just show up in the vineyard to eliminate them like he did when he eliminated Joe & Heidi last week.

I liked Jordan & Jeff. I did not know til recently they'd been on Big Brother, with Jordan winning. I've not watched Big Brother since that BB All-Star abomination where that nasty Boogie Mike Malin person won, even though he had not been an All-Star and was only on the show because actual All-Star, Will Kirby, would not go on without Boogie, hence the travesty.

I hope next week's tasks are something other than laboriously looking for some needle in a haystack.