Survivor South Pacific's Brandon Hantz Gives Away His Immunity to Albert & Then Gets Kicked Out of the Tribe

Brandon Hantz in Pain

Wednesday night's Survivor: South Pacific episode was the last regular episode before this coming Sunday's bloated 3 hour finale.

For me this has been the most off-putting season of Survivor yet.

Methinks if Survivor wants to survive it needs to drop the returning of past survivors for redemption.

For me, the gimmick has not worked.

And no more Hantz's on Survivor.

I would think that actual practitioners of the Christian faith would find offensive the way some reality shows use pseudo-Christians as comic fodder. Maybe pseudo is the wrong word. Maybe illegit would be more appropriate.

The prayer rings led by Ben Wade and Brandon Hantz were embarrassing to witness. It appeared it was embarrassing to some of those in the ring who felt they had to pretend to participate.

Brandon's idiotic concept of his religion, where he thinks God monitors reality TV game shows, with a Godly interest in the outcome, is so incredibly self-centered. Not to mention stupid. Brandon verbalizes thinking that God has all of his life planned out for him, with Brandon, apparently, thinking that Brandon has no say in the matter.

So, apparently, Brandon believes God's plan for him is to make him look to be very naive and stupid.

And then there is that phony buffoon, Ben Wade, who insists being called "Coach."

Bending over, with his forehead to the ground, praying for God to give him a vision as to who he should kick out of the tribe.

With the Survivor editors putting visions of the possible kickees on the screen.

Coach must really have an extremely low opinion of this God he speaks to, if he thinks that this God has time for such trivial, meaningless matters.

What with all the actual real problems in the world that God created, which is obviously a horrible headache for Him to try and control with any semblance of reasonable order, what with so many outbreaks of the devil's work.

And then there is Brandon Hantz with his bizarre need for overt displays of his Holy Goodness. Brandon wins the Immunity Idol. And then to show his loyalty to his word somehow decides it makes sense to give the Immunity Necklace to Albert, to the astonishment of everyone at the Tribal Council, including us watching on our TV screens.

Brandon then gets the predictable boot, with us learning that it was Brandon who God's vision told Coach to boot, despite Coach's promises to Brandon, and Coach's extremely highly evolved concept of honor and integrity.

I can not be the only viewer who finds Coach's talk of being a warrior to be embarrassing. Telling Ozzy he wants to take Ozzy to the end where it will be an honorable battle between two warriors.

Warriors.

On a game show.

What an idiot.

I can not be the only viewer who thinks that if Ben Wade was actually confronted with a situation which required the skills of an actual warrior, and real courage, that Coach would run away screaming like a scared school girl.

At this point I really don't care who wins Survivor.

Poetic would be if God's will were done and Brandon beats Ozzy at the final Redemption Island Duel and then goes on to win the remaining Immunity Challenges, pretty much then guaranteeing Brandon the million bucks and a resulting lifelong unshakable belief that God truly has a plan for him.

Another good scenario would be Albert winning the remaining Immunity Challenges. I think he'd likely win the million.

Another good scenario would be Ozzy beating Brandon to get off Redemption Island, and then going on to be in the Final 3. Ozzy would be the winner of the million at that point, I do believe.

I don't know if I'll be watching. It is far less exhausting just to read the result the next morning.

Survivor 18: Tocantins---Debbie Booted, Coach Has No Loved Ones

Well, that was one sad episode of Survivor last night. Ben Wade, aka Coach, aka Dragonslayer managed to go from delusional and downright weird to sad and pathetic.

The food auction is always an amusing Survivor episode. Her tribemates, giving Taj money so she could win the bid to get a message from a loved one, was nice. I like Taj.

Taj then agreeing to go to Exile Island to meet her husband, ex-footballer, Eddie George, so the others could meet their Loved Ones back at camp, that was nice.

The tribe heads back to camp while Taj heads towards her husband. At camp we meet the Loved Ones. Each of the Loved Ones was an actually Loved One, but one.

Stephan's brother, J.T.'s little sister, Debbie's husband, Errin's dad, Taj's husband.

And then we had the Dragonslayer. His Loved One was his Assistant Coach. We didn't see much of the guy on the show. I didn't realize he had an Aussie accent til I saw the YouTube video below.

A really weird moment, among many, was the Coach, who over and over again claims he never lies, lied when telling his Loved One, his Assistant Coach, that his tribemates had nicknamed him the Dragonslayer! And then, in the YouTube video, Coach's Loved One spews all the same delusional nonsense about Coach that Coach constantly repeats himself.

One of the delusions Coach told his Loved One was that he was in charge of the game. Which makes it so amusing to watch Coach handle seeing his "ally" Debbie get voted out of the tribe, while, unbeknownst to the man in control of the dragonslaying, his "ally" had been the only one to vote to oust him!

We saw no interaction between Coach and his Loved One like we saw with the other actual Loved Ones. Instead Coach and his Loved One rough-housed, with Coach's Loved One helping Coach stretch into weird positions while Coach laid on the ground.

In the Internet TV forums, today, the consensus seems to be that Coach has now gone from being the biggest douchebag in reality tv history, to being a pathetic object of pity, a sad, sad man. With, apparently, no Loved Ones.

More than one poster speculated that when the Loved Ones episode came up, with Coach still in the game, the producers were faced with a dilemma. No Loved One for the guy? How embarrassing. What to do? One poster speculated that it went as follows....

Mark Burnett to the Boom-Mike guy: "Listen man, no one showed up. We don't want to public feeling bad for this guy, do we? Can you just pretend to be his friend?"

Boom-Mike Guy: "Hell no! He's a douche and people will think I KNOW HIM! I am out here in this thousand degree heat holding this stupid pole and now you want me to........"

Burnett cuts him off: "Do you want your job?"

Boom-Mike Guy: "Not that bad!"

Burnett pleading: "I'll give you $10,000 to do this.

Boom-Mike Guy: "OK"

The fact that the Coach's Loved One had an Aussie accent and most Survivor production people are, like Mark Burnett, Australians, makes this a plausible scenario to me.

Watch the weird video of the Dragonslayer's Loved One talking about his Loved One below....

Survivor 18: Tocantins---Tyson Get His Blindside Comeuppance

After last week's Survivor I was ready to bail. This was not the first time Survivor had so annoyed me that I'd reached that point. And then I give it one more chance and it redeems itself.

I was ready to bail last week because we were shown no reason why Taj turned on Brendan, voting to boot him from the tribe. We saw no reason why Taj turned her back on her Exile Island Alliance.

And, it was not fun to watch because Stephen and J.T. and Taj seemed to be under the control of the loathsome Coach, instead of seeing that they should boot out Coach, removing that idiot from our TV screens.

The previews and ads for last night's Survivor planted the idea that Sierra would save herself by winning the Immunity Challenge. She almost did win it. But one who has left zero impression on me, is the name Debby? The school principal, she won.

The oddest part of that Immunity Challenge was Coach "The Warrior" decided to not fight that battle, because if he felt safe, and sat out, he could eat pizza. He looked so incredibly stupid sitting there eating pizza and looking detached. Yeah, warriors eat pizza rather than participate in a challenge.

And poor, evermore rat-like looking, Stephen, once more sent to Exile Island, comes back for the Immunity Challenge, already miserable, decides along with Coach and J.T. to opt out and eat pizza, sat there under a blanket in the rain shivering violently. Worst case of the shivers I've seen in 18 seasons of Survivor.

After the Immunity Challenge we see Sierra pathetically pleading to stay. It really did not make a lot of sense. Coach was all condescending. Tyson, even more so.

And then, unlike last week, a lightbulb turns on in Taj's head. What if we get rid of Tyson? This may be our only chance. Erinn, J.T. and Stephen were quickly on board. No need to tell Sierra. Of course, J.T. was conflicted, due to his relationship with the Coach, based on their mutual trustworthiness and golden characters.

And then we get to the Tribal Council. Sierra was quite good at defending herself. Tyson acted like an ass. Probst asked some probing Probst-type questions and then he turned on Coach and tried to nail the idiot on his hypocritical contradictions. Going on and on about wanting it to be a fight between warriors. Then why did you boot Brendan, Probst asked? To which Coach spouted more of his moronic nonsense. With a big feather stuck in his greasy hair.

One of the funnier moments was Taj crossing her eyes at one of times Coach spouted his Warrior idiocy.

And then the payoff. Sierra sure she's going home. A couple votes for Sierra, then one for Tyson. Then another. Then another for Sierra. Coach and Tyson back looking smug. Then another vote for Tyson. Oh oh, this wasn't the plan. Sierra now had 3 votes, Tyson 4. Either another Sierra vote ties it, or Tyson gets the boot.

The look on Tyson and Coach's faces made this a double-blindside. And the look on Sierra's face was also reality TV gold. Brendan laughing and clapping was also good.

In the previews it appears that now the tables are turned and Coach is begging for Sierra's help. The ebb and flow of fortunes is what I like about Survivor. When it makes sense.

In his final words Tyson said that now he knew how Brendan felt. And that he was bummed that Sierra lasted longer than him. I think it's called poetic justice and a real good comeuppance.

Survivor 18: Tocantins---Brendan & Viewers Blindsided

A few seasons ago the editing on Survivor seemed to make no sense, over and over again, to the point that I lost interest. As in the voting made no sense based on what we'd seen.

After last night's Survivor with the booting of Brendan I'm thinking I'm bailing on viewing.

Did I miss something? Did we see anything that made it make sense that Taj would vote to boot Brendan? Sure, she was a little wobbly about her Exile Alliance due to Brendan playing it cool after the merge. But they seemed back on track.

It would have been so satisfying to have seen that smug Ben Wade self-anointed Coach and God get the blindside boot.

That bizarre story he made up about kayaking down the Amazon after a military helicopter dropped him and his kayak off at the source of the river and then getting captured and tortured by little people and then miraculously escaping and paddling away so fast the his hands bled, well, I've known a pathological liar before, but not like this guy. He's pathetic.

Anyway, I liked the Brendan guy. He's already a millionaire, apparently, from selling granola. He seemed like a smart guy, til the end. Why do these people never learn? The first time there is a vote in which you could be vulnerable and you have the immunity idol, use it.

Survivor Tocantins: Joe Goes

I'm enjoying this latest iteration of Survivor. Last night had me all atwitter with concern that Brendan was going to be hit with a Marcus-like blindside. What with Taj going all wobbly about their Exile Island Alliance. And Stephan and JT being a bit weaselly. And Tyson and the psycho "Coach" being all mastermind mode.

The amusing Tyson and the demented, deluded self-appointed "Coach," seemed to have put together a good scheme to get rid of Brendan.

And then Tyson won the first individual Immunity, which seemed to seal the deal. Until Probst saw that Joe had a big owie on his knee and had him stay after the challenge was over so that a doctor could check it out.

The doctor soon determined that unless Joe got medical attention he could lose his leg or his life. So, a helicopter evacuation ended up not seeming like such a bad plan, all things considered, to Joe.

So, as the rest of his tribemates huddled in the rain, plotting and scheming and feeling nervous, Probst showed up, soaking wet, to deliver the news that Joe was out of it, that there'd be no Tribal Council.

And so now Brendan has a couple more days to get Taj, Stephen and Sierra all on the same page and figure out a way to blindside that idiotic obnoxious orchestra-leading (supposedly) "Coach." I hope that's what happens. Just to hear what the self-anointed "Dragon Slayer" has to say when he gets his dumbass booted.

That idiot is on a reality show. Why does he go on and on about being a warrior? And someone else being a warrior. And all the warriors getting rid of all the non-warriors and then battling it out mano-mano. He seems to think it's D-Day and he's getting ready to storm the Normandy Beaches.

The people who cast these type shows must dance a happy gig when they come across nutjobs like "Coach" and characters like Tyson.

Survivor 18: Tocantins---The Coach

I'm liking this latest Brazilian version of Survivor. We're only 3 episodes in and it's already got a plot line and memorable characters.

I like the Taj and Brendan combo turning into a team on Exile Island. I hope their alliance plot works out. It could be entertaining. But these type plots rarely seem to work out on Survivor.

It seemed a bit foolish, to me, that Taj told her teammates she's married to an NFL football player, who is apparently famous, named Eddie George, who I, like Taj's Stephen teammate, had never heard of.

I'm only being repulsed by one Survivor this time, that being this total twit named Ben Wade who insists he be called "Coach." On the latest episode it seemed clear that Wade's teammates see through the "Coach's" pompousness, just like the viewers have. It was funny to watch the "Coach" twitch when his teammates told Probst that they thought Brendan would make a good leader for their team.

And now it turns out the man is no longer a coach. He was fired due to telling his employers that'd he be gone for a week when he left for Survivor. Upon his return Wade's contract was terminated.

What did this guy coach you can't help but wonder. Well, it was a girl's soccer team. With a barely winning record during Wade's short time as coach.

And now this hawk-nosed delusional Renaissance Man thinks he is going to skyrocket from his Survivor fame to movie stardom.

Renaissance Man you ask? Well, this guy has a website, coachbenwade.com, on which you learn all about how accomplished he is. It's a very annoying website, one of those where it's hard to find out where to turn off the annoying music.

From the "Coach" website....

"Coach Benjamin Wade is a "renaissance man" in life from setting the world record for kayaking, to coaching collegiate soccer, traveling to the jungles of Africa, while still finding time to create and direct a symphony. Coach Benjamin Wade is a true "renaissance man."

A Renaissance Man with a serious need of a good haircut and some tattoo removal. And maybe a nose job.